The time I learned about love

En text jag skrivit till Ralph Kartelmeyer som jag träffade: (här)

Texten handlar om när jag för första gången lärde om kärlek. Det handlar om när jag bestämde mig om att träna, att sträva efter min fulländade version av mig själv. Detta är det vackraste jag någonsin gått igenom i mitt liv. Det är svårt att skriva om det eftersom det är komplicerat, det är under lång tid och det handlar om något som är svårt att sätta ord på. Jag har försökt på bästa sätt att skriva, och detta är min första text på engelska.

 

October 2011. It was cold and i was at home. This was at one of the darkest periods of my life. I didn’t care about anything and I felt that life was pointless. I did not have any hobbies, nothing to look forward to, and no one to really care about. Until that one moment.

It was in October, I was feeling depressed. So I rang up a friend of mine on the phone and asked what was going on?

– We are meeting at Jonas house for some card games, care to join? Asked Max.

– No i don’t think so, i don’t feel like meeting people. Was my answer.

I laid down in my bed and started a movie. During the movie I started to cry. I was 100 kilo… IMG_0429 …smoker, and I used Snus (a Swedish thing with tobacco under your lip.) From that day I decided to do something about my life. I was tired of being push around. Giving up really nice girls for my friend’s. Putting myself in the back and always apologizing for the person I really was. I am a nice person. I have always been. I think that’s the meaning of life. Treat other people as you want to be treated. That is still one of the key philosophy in my life. But from that day I decided that I want to be the best version of myself I possible can be. I want to be Robert 2.0. So i started to plan. I always been kind of a feeling type of person, and I am good at going with my own intuition.

   At the same time it was a new girl at the warehouse where i was working. I was working as a system operator. This girl was wonderful. She was gorgeous…IMG_0577  sweet, innocent and cool. I couldn’t believe my luck of even speaking to her. Her name is Miranda. Angels aren’t even that sweet. When she came into the warehouse everything stopped, the time slowed down and i could hear sounds from nowhere. I was Smitten.

I never had any problem meeting women and I have had lot of female friends. My problem with females in the past was: I always thought they didn’t see the real me, the me underneat my weight, my hair color, my smile. I thought they where being superficial. But this girl was different. See didn’t care that I was 50 pounds overweight. That I smoked, that i used Snus. She didn’t care that I wanted to die. She saw my soul.

This is the girl i want, this is the girl I want to be with. I don’t know for how long, but from that day i decided I want to spend my weekends with her…

One day when I was on my way to work. I lit up a cigaret as usual and went to the busstand. When I took it up I saw that I only had one. Now I have a choice. Either I can buy some more, or I can quit smoking right now. This will be the last cigarette i will ever smoke. Life starts now. I threw the cigarette and went to work. I didn’t tell any one but I know, I know that my life will never look the same. I had found love, and I know how to concur my fears.

That same evening when I got home I went for a walk. I was afraid. I didn’t even know what to wear. I felt that everybody was looking at me. I was very insecure about myself. When I got back, I made a huge Pasta dish. With all the good, cream, pork, sausage, spices. A really unhealthy meal. When I was going to eat, my roommate got home. So i asked if he wanted to share this meal with me. I explained to him, from now on I going to become a new person.  Don’t take it personal but i’m going underground.

The day after I went for a run, not far but a run. About four kilometers with a huge uphill and it also has a small waterfall next to it. My first goal was to finish the run whiteout stopping in that hill. When i got home I ate a pice of meat and broccoli. I was determined.

After about two days I sign up for a Marathon (42 195 meters)

After three days I meet Miranda at the bus stop. I had bought a big bag of vegetables , and my plan was to play it cool. It took me 3 minutes before i had told her everything.

That same evening at work we had to clean. It was down in a huge basement. All of the employees about 20 people. I as the system-operator got the responsibility to sort it out. So all the people went down, and I could see on Miranda that she was very afraid of the dark area underground. So I took commando, and gave everybody orders on how to clean it most effectfully. When we had finished, we went out to the busstand. We where talking and it was snowing. It was a beautiful evening and the snow was prickling down very slow as it was a fariytale. I could sense that Miranda didn’t want the night to end. When we got to the centre of the city, we took a walk together and it felt so natural. I felt like we had known each other for years. I never met a person who felt so mature, but still has the biggest child inside. Her heart of gold and her eyes that could’t stop staring into mine. You know when you met someone and they just somehow make you the best person you can be. Miranda is like that. I was in a trance. I invited her to my apartment, and we just talk, just talked all night long. When the sun had come up and I realize that I had to get to work again, I knew my life would never be the same again.

A few days went by and she moved in, piece by piece. We didn’t care about nothing accept being togheter. It was like being hit by a wrecking ball. In a good way.

I quit snus days later, and I kept on running. It took me 12 times before I mastered the hill. After that day of hill mastering I started to run father, and farther. Until I one day ran for ten kilometers. I started swimming and started with Yoga. I lost 25 kilos in 81 days… IMG_6252 I ran Oslo Marathon on the 24/9-2011. In 3:53:21. I have not stopped training. The year after I did the worlds biggest swimming competion. Vannsbrosimmet that is three  kilometer swimming in a river. My time was 1:02:20. And I have two more running competitions one in Oslo and one in Paris. I  have no intention on quitting. And Miranda? We went to India together for 3,5 months. Our relationship survived. I spent four months working in a different country. Our relationship survived. I love her more than air. I would do anything for her. The woman that thought me of real love. P1060041

-KRJ

I hope that everybody finds their Mirandas. I don’t know if we will be together forever but I am thankful for the time we had.

Ps. Love yourself and love will come your way. Ds.

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